In the Amazon Rainforest—in the Igarape Omere region to

the southwest of Rondônia, on the land of the Akuntsu tribe, who were

murdered by ranchers and gunmen for their land, only a few survived,

but were going extinct, death by death—seven ecologists leaned back

against their big SUVs facing a campfire, eating, drinking and farting.

This turned out to be the single critical factor that precipitated a hothouse

planet. The proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back—it had to be

something, just bad luck that it was ecologists.

Unaware of the trigger tripped, they continued talking

optimistically.

“We humans are destroying the earth. Given that

inescapable truth, how can science help?” asked Helmut de Santo,

a faculty member of the Faculdade da Amazônia.

“Science can help destroy the earth?” asked Penetario

Wartenburg.

“No, fool, help save the earth.”

“And how would we do that?

Can you bring back extinct species or destroyed habitats? Huh?”

“No, but we can save this

forest.”

“Please, can we retire to our tents now? It is very important that we

be comfortable, wear good clothes, and get plenty of sleep. Not have

baggy eyes or rumpled clothes. Otherwise how will people believe us?”

pleaded Chrissy Castillo of the University of Arizona.

“We can’t save the forest from

catastrophic climate change,” noted de Santo.

Noted Norwegian philosopher Rico Ness

spoke: “I don’t know what we can do. The average temperatures are

getting higher; that’s a fact. We have been in a long-term trend for

18,000 years.”

“People exhaling is the problem. Maybe we could genetically alter

humans to put out just oxygen and carbon bricks,” joked Wartenburg.

“So, if they laugh, then there’s more pollution? Obviously, laughter is

a problem.”

“People are apeshit over CO2, but that’s not the problem, it’s

water vapor,” stated Ness.

“You mean pissing on the ground is as bad as

farting?” asked Wartenburg.

“Worse, because without grass and trees it runs into

the streams and the Atlantic.”

“I can’t hold it long. We could recycle it and

drink it?”

“What about cooking fires in Africa?” asked Ness.

“They don’t need to be cooking. Methane’s worse” said Wartenburg.

“Science wages war on hungry people—I mean hunger, every day,”

said Castillo. “Solar cookers would work there. We’ve tried it.”

“What’s going to be lost if we don’t act fast enough?” asked

de Santo, “I mean, should we create arks or frozen sperm/egg banks

for every species?”

“Some animals like termites, lizards and coyotes will do well in a

warmer world. Others, like polar bears or bee-eaters are doomed,”

concluded Ness.

“We might save some communities, which are far stronger

than crowds of individuals,” noted Wartenberg.

“Is that what is happening? We are crowds not communities?”

“Social insects formed nests and became subjects of queens. They lost personal freedom, but had a stronger community.”

“On a hot earth, termites will rule.”

 

At that very moment, in the Manatee Masonic Lodge 31 in

Bradenton, off the Tamiami Trail, in a white warehouse-like building,

Termite was making his strong case to Gaia, newly acknowledged Head

of the Gods: “Let me make a few suggestions about organizing.

The Queen will represent all of us. All the large species, termites, ants,

and humans, respect queens. Of all those nations with queens, we were

the first to become civilized, starting over 120 million years ago. We had

cities, air conditioning, agriculture, roads, and slavery millions of years

before any other species—I said any species, Ant!

Here is our recommendation: On January 1, 2012, Her

Sovereign Majesty Queen Alatia 7941, will assume monarchical duties

over all human nations and appoint a human governor. Congresses and

constitutions will be abandoned. People will be divided up into four

classes: Workers, soldiers, breeders, and intellects (although just 8 of this

last class, about the same as now). Lawyers, therapists, bankers,

and slaves will be discontinued.

Then the classes will be instructed in the proper behavior.

They will learn to resolve personal issues without using knives and guns.

Guns should only be used for shooting birds that might prey on termites.

Knives should only be used to peel vegetables. Laws will be replaced by

very simple, Termite rules: Do not fight within your species; do not

interfere with other species; if you see mud or dung, pick it up and take it

to the nearest large pile for later use; and, if you see a termite egg pick it

up and take it to the nearest large pile of eggs.

Hive save the queen!”

And Termite bowed to the smattering of acknowledgment.

Gaia spoke: “You present you case passionately,

and we should seriously consider it. Humans need to be domesticated,

and they have been unable to domesticate themselves. Furthermore,

many of your recommendations ring true. However, we must be careful

to protect their capacity for individual intelligence, which is different

from the great hive intelligence you represent. Their intelligence has

potential for the planet and we should not endanger it. Now, I have

a request from Ant, on the same issue. Ant, please—”

 

After that discussion, the room was open to other suggestions.

Hank-Ra nominated Breasal as the High King of

the Planet, “The Portuguese named Brazil after this Welsh hero. Breasal

makes his home in Hy-Breasal, which some once called Atlantis, visible

to men only for a day every 7 years, and he will be visible next March,

and he is available and willing to rule. Only he could unite all.”

Uzume nominated Legba, “He is possibly be

the oldest god of all, from the continent where humanity itself

was born, Africa!”

Legba gave an inspired talk about ways to have equality

and opportunities for sharing the planet, concluding, “We must keep

small and vital. Let each god protect a place or favorite being, but let

them protect with knowledge and limits and peace, rather than ignorance

and violence!”

Harmony suggested that she and Randomotion, with some of

the others, could keep changing and renewing, maybe reduce

the extinctions and produce more new species and habitat patterns.

Randomotion emphasized, “It is

so important that we be allowed to continue mixing things up and sorting

them through the changing filters of environment and life. This is

the creation and development of all.”

Harmony concluded, “Over time, living beings work

together, fit together, compete together in beneficial ways. This is why

we newer gods, such as Limits and Culture, need to participate fully

with you.”

 

And, the discussion went very late, causing the police to worry that

the old Masons might be overextending themselves that night (after

the newest issue of National Pornographic was available in white-

windowed stores nearby).